We have an algae problem brewing on the lake this winter. Algae runs rampant when excessive nitrogen enters the water. On a cattle ranch, the source of this nitrogen is usually pretty obvious. But for the last two summers, cow pies have been fairly scarce in the watershed. I suspect that the source of our problem is American-Lotus-Gone-Wild. Lotus is that rather attractive large lily pad plant with awesome large yellow flowers. I wish we could have about 5 blossoms and 10 lily pads each year. But last year we had about 1000 lily pads. The lake was a sorry sight in the fall. When all of those pads died, I imagine that it was like chucking manure straight into the water.
My plan to control the algae and lotus should take 2 summers. I considered purchasing about $3000 worth of 2,4-D herbicide formulated for lake use. But we use a gravity based watering system. Dumping garbage in the water that my cows drink rubs me the wrong way. So my two year plan was to buy a cheap bass boat and manually pluck the flowers before they opened. I would still have a large kill event with the pads, and more algae next year, but I think that would probably work over time.
It is a little known fact that it takes about one hour and 15 minutes for all good plans on the farm to degenerate to a Bud Light “Real Man of Genius” tribute song. My boat requirements were simple: something that I wouldn’t have to bail out constantly and having a flat deck to make gathering the water weeds easy. Of course, Karen knows the real ploy here is a shiny new addition to the family. I started my cheap boat search on Craigslist. I was thrilled with the selection but sadly disappointed with the prices. I was expecting to pay $750 for something that easily goes for $3500. I went to BassPro.com for a reality check. The site confirmed my pricing conundrum but it does have a photo gallery that makes it very apparent: BassTracker has taken ordinary aluminum jon boats and jacked the price up with simple decking and nice carpeting. “I could do that”, I thought.
As it turns out, I am about the 12,000th person that has thought that. There is quite the crowd that is converting ordinary jon boats into impressive bass boats. Plans and ideas for this task abound on the net. But I had to keep my simple requirements in focus. Knowing me, the lotus plants would be in their 8th summer of propagation before I drilled my first hole the the hull. Drawing from my smashing success of using a chunk of hard pink styrofoam insulation for a floating duck house, I quickly considered a DIY pontoon boat. Surely I could get a 4×8 sheet of plywood afloat with a two man crew. I have scads of pink foam, gobs of nearly airtight barrels, and plenty of other floating matter. Something slightly less ridiculous that this guy’s rig would be perfect.
It was time to google DIY pontoon plans, just to make sure my poorly engineered idea wouldn’t drown the kids. In less than 1.5 hours from when this quest started, I found a DIY pontoon forum with a Q&A that went something like this:
Q: I’d like to build my own pontoon boat. How?
A: Your answer is here: http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php. See song 30.
Nailed again.
